Elsa
by Valerie Gingras
Summary: Fanfic based on Frozen. Elsa's point of view of the story and her strong feelings for her sister. Contains lesbian themes.


Anna, I'm so sorry. I can't let you in, I can't play with you and I can't see you. If I did so much as touch you by accident, chills would run down your spine because my skin is ice cold. I could freeze you accidently, I could hurt you again. I can't touch you. I'm doing this because I love you. Conceal, don't feel, don't let it show. My secret weight so much. I can't tell anyone. If I'd let you close, you would realise I'm a monster. I'm shutting you out because I'm scared. I still remember the snowman we built together and all the fun times I had with you. This room feels so empty now that you're not here. I hurt you because I can't control myself. I feel so bad about it. If only I had been more cautious we'd still be friends. I sorry Anna, I can't play whit you anymore, I can't see you. It hurts so much, it hurts so bad. I cannot stand the way you always come to my door and try to make me go outside. My room with frozen walls is as cold as my loneliness. If only I had summer power, I'm sure I would hurt less. Conceal, don't feel, don't let it show. I must forget my love for you and all my feelings good or bad. I must become a robot and my heat will be made out of ice.

You don't remember my power, it's like you don't remember me. I don't want you to see what I've become. I want you to remember only the good things. Yes, I shout you out, but it was for your own good, so I wouldn't hurt you. So, I would do anything that could cause you even more sadness. I don't want to open the doors, because I know that you want to leave. You want to get away from me. I understand, but I can't do it, I can't be like you. I was cursed to stay alone all my life. I like it better that way. Go away, have a happy life; I'll be happy for you.

If you want to go away, leave, love, run as fast as you can, never turn back. Leave, so I can hurt less. Leave cause I can't tell you anything and that makes me feel like I lost you already. Whit time, I'll forget you. I will finally be able to think I was made to be alone. Don't stay for me; you know I'll always be there for you. I just want to give you your best chance. Go away, fall in love; find what you're looking for. I don't deserve you.

I have to let the doors open and to let people in. I'll have to conceal more than ever, but it's okay, since it's just for one day. Of course the first guy you see, he's oh, so better than me, so much you already want to marry.

You take my glove off. You hold my hand. My feelings rush out. I'm so prude. No one ever touches me. It's too dangerous. I panic. I freeze it all. I leave without saying anything. Ice hurts less than love. I almost want to go back, to turn back, to see you again, but forget it I'll leave. I'll be the one to push myself away.

I'll go far away in the mountains. I'll create a whole palace as cold as my loneliness; pretend that it doesn't bother me, because I love you. When you'll come looking for me, I'll fight you off. I'll be so angry against you, I'll want to kill you. But, I'll let you live because I love you. Your death would kill me.

My hear t is made out of ice. It wasn't made for love. It wasn't meant to feel. It wasn't made to live. It wasn't made to hurt. I finally understand now. I just want to watch over you, as a sister, as a friend, as a mother. I just want to be there for you. "Conceal, don't feel, don't let it show" never really worked for me, I can't help myself anymore. I want you to hate me, kill me, before I hurt you. Put me out of my misery. I love you, but I must forget about it. I love you, but it's too late.

What good would it do now? I can't even touch you. I'm too scared of what will happen. I hurt so much inside. I'm so confused about those feelings I shouldn't have. Feelings can't achieve anything. Emotions are dangerous. They make you do things you regret after. It's better not to do it at all.

Now your heart is frozen too. I killed you. I can die now, because the only thing I cared for is gone. Why did you protect me? I don't understand. All I've ever been is a bad friend to you. After how much I hurt you, you stand up for my sake. I don't understand. Did you love me more than I ever thought?

Now that you have turned into ice, maybe I can finally put my hand around you and hug you forever. Maybe I can finally cry on your shoulder, even if it's you I'm crying now. I can almost feel you warm up in my embrace. I'm sure it's just my disillusions again. I can feel you breathe on my neck. I'm sure I've gone mad. I hold you even tighter. You gently push me away.

You're alive! I'm so happy, but I have to stop holding you now. I'm so happy! You're alive and okay. You thought me what true love was, so I'll do everything to make you happy again, even if I know we can never return to how we were before I cut you off. I want to tell you everything that's been going through my mind since I left you, but I'm too late.

You meet someone. You're in love. For real this time. Maybe if I went away now, you'd still be happy. But, I can't really do that to you. I want to see you smile. So smile, Anna, as I watch over you. This is my thanks for loving me too, even if it's not the same way that I love you.


End file.
